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A million times I wanted you to walk away, But instead you just sat there smiling. Call me indecisive and call me narcissistic Don't call me ANYTHING, I'm not listening. Everything fades in time. Everything. Fantastic! It's over. I can live for me! Ghosts of your memory walk around Hallways and bedrooms. I found your memories in a box tonight, Just sitting there all along. waiting. Kaleidoscope of events we shared Longing to be remembered Making me want to call you, should I? No, of course I shouldn't. Opposites attract, but how different were we? Pleasure and pain is what you called it. Quietness and chaos is what I called it. Remember that time I cried? Staring in your eyes as mine filled with tears. Thinking back, I wanted you to hold me, Unashamed of me and what I was. Vulnerable and strong at the same time. Why couldn't you do that for me? be that? Xerox the past and relive it again. Ziplock everything up, box it away. We're done. *
One of these days he'll look back and Two thoughts will pass through his mind Three little girls and Me. Four reasons why he should have tried harder. *
Rising from the ashes of the devastation that 'Us". I brush off the soot that was those final months, days and hours of what we shared. Addressing the singe marks and burns. I find patches of myself unscathed. I will walk again, I will someday no longer feel the burning on my flesh and the coals in my stomach. I will look back and think, "I was lucky to feel that flame of passion." The smell of smoke will remind me that in order to walk through the flame, You must also feel the burn.
*
Someone wise said, "At night your lover roams, except no consolations." I reach deep inside of myself and ask, "Why?", but I am handed those moments of bliss. I don't want those short, sporadic moments. They are too few and sometimes in a haze of mistrust. I curse the side of me that questions and doesn't fall freely into love. If I were to grab a hold of that person, would I lash out or would I be thankful? I can almost feel my lover. He's here right now in my mind. I'm with him, but at a distance. I feel him leaving again. He's gone. I can't make him feel things he doesn't. I have done all that I can do. My patience has been endless. I don't want the consolation hours. I want him to want to be with me during them all. Living and sharing my life. I can't make him want what he doesn't. I can't want any less. I can feel my lover leaving. He is gone. *
A solid, gold attitude is what did me in. For underneath the gold was just a simple penny. I was far from golden, but I could glow in the light. I was everything they wanted; smart, witty and skinny. Examining my history under a microscope, I would point out the flaws. They saw what they wanted and twisted them to fit the need. I never promised forever, I never promised another day. They would follow behind me, I always had the lead. The part of the game they could never win, was me. I had all the cards and the ace up my sleeve. When I walked out the door with a tearful goodbye, I never was sorry to leave. My game was interrupted when the player across the table laughed. He didn't care about the hair, the legs or shoes. His head wasn't in the game. I knew I was going to lose. *
Can you see it? Can you see the reasons it's so right? Can you hear the laughter inside of of us? Can you touch it? Can you touch the core of what makes US whole? Can you taste it? can you taste the sweet innocence of love? Can you experience it? Can you understand it? Can you envy it? Can you make it yours? Or will you steal it? We did. *
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